Saturday, September 17, 2011

Dying Perfect

My life is Perfect. Yeah sure no fuckin' body is perfect. But I am... I mean my life is. If ever you happen to know Veronika (Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die), I find her and I plunging in the same dilemma. We both find our lives perfect. We are in bliss with this. We are distressed in this. We are insane.

My family don't deserve me. My parents are the epitome of PARENTS. They may not provide everything that I ever hoped and wished for (but in the first place who can?), yet they're just too perfect for a failing daughter like me. They never get tired of reminding me how lucky I am for ALL these things --- GREAT THINGS. We are not that poor. We are not that rich. Mediocrity. I'm not the super bad. I'm not the super good. Mediocrity. I'm not the most stupid. I'm not the smartest. Mediocrity. I play it safe for 19 years. I'm in the zone of comfort for 19 years. I'm an average girl for 19 years.

I even hoped for one day, I was born in either of these two cases; the poor girl or the rich girl. If I'm born poor, at least I have all the reasons to strive, to thrive. Lucky are the poor for they all have the chances of getting rich as to what someone has said. If I'm born rich, I could not ask for more =). I mean, I will live a luxurious life. I have the money, the resources. If ever I failed to become rich when I'm a poor girl or if ever I became poor when I'm born rich, at least I started at one of the EXTREMES. I'm not in the MEDIOCRITY. For once, I hoped.

Veronika wanted to end her life in that way --- PERFECT. 
I also want to.

I'm feared to come out, to be be different, to be drastic, to be extreme and be beyond MEDIOCRE. Coach Carter seemed like to pertain to me whenever I encounter his words from the movie, "OUR GREATEST FEAR IS NOT THAT WE'RE INADEQUATE. OUR GREATEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURES." 

I want to be the best yet I'm afraid to be one. Since on your way through, you must stretch your limits. You must do what you want. You must follow your desires. You must do what it ought to be. You must be different. You must be extraordinary. You must make a stand. You must STAND OUT. 
You must break rules. You must deviate. You might hurt people and you might be hurt too. 
and surely you will be hated.
You can't please everyone and the moment you try to stand out, you must eat haters for breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack.
You must be immune. It's a daily dose you must ingest.

Actions may NOT always bring happiness but there is NO HAPPINESS WITHOUT ACTIONS.