Saturday, September 17, 2011

Dying Perfect

My life is Perfect. Yeah sure no fuckin' body is perfect. But I am... I mean my life is. If ever you happen to know Veronika (Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die), I find her and I plunging in the same dilemma. We both find our lives perfect. We are in bliss with this. We are distressed in this. We are insane.

My family don't deserve me. My parents are the epitome of PARENTS. They may not provide everything that I ever hoped and wished for (but in the first place who can?), yet they're just too perfect for a failing daughter like me. They never get tired of reminding me how lucky I am for ALL these things --- GREAT THINGS. We are not that poor. We are not that rich. Mediocrity. I'm not the super bad. I'm not the super good. Mediocrity. I'm not the most stupid. I'm not the smartest. Mediocrity. I play it safe for 19 years. I'm in the zone of comfort for 19 years. I'm an average girl for 19 years.

I even hoped for one day, I was born in either of these two cases; the poor girl or the rich girl. If I'm born poor, at least I have all the reasons to strive, to thrive. Lucky are the poor for they all have the chances of getting rich as to what someone has said. If I'm born rich, I could not ask for more =). I mean, I will live a luxurious life. I have the money, the resources. If ever I failed to become rich when I'm a poor girl or if ever I became poor when I'm born rich, at least I started at one of the EXTREMES. I'm not in the MEDIOCRITY. For once, I hoped.

Veronika wanted to end her life in that way --- PERFECT. 
I also want to.

I'm feared to come out, to be be different, to be drastic, to be extreme and be beyond MEDIOCRE. Coach Carter seemed like to pertain to me whenever I encounter his words from the movie, "OUR GREATEST FEAR IS NOT THAT WE'RE INADEQUATE. OUR GREATEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURES." 

I want to be the best yet I'm afraid to be one. Since on your way through, you must stretch your limits. You must do what you want. You must follow your desires. You must do what it ought to be. You must be different. You must be extraordinary. You must make a stand. You must STAND OUT. 
You must break rules. You must deviate. You might hurt people and you might be hurt too. 
and surely you will be hated.
You can't please everyone and the moment you try to stand out, you must eat haters for breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack.
You must be immune. It's a daily dose you must ingest.

Actions may NOT always bring happiness but there is NO HAPPINESS WITHOUT ACTIONS.


Monday, August 8, 2011

A & Q

Why are you reading this?
Surely life can offer you better things than this.
Questions, questions, questions.

Why is the brain programmed to ask? Answers are just waiting to be found.
Yet the absolute answer-giver is yet to come.
Or is it really coming? Are answers shall be given?
Do all questions have answers ---- sensible, rational answers?
Or some questions are meant to be left alone hanging, unanswered?
Unanswered questions. Why do we need to be persistent in
looking for answers ---- answers that don't even want to show up.
Answers that are not even meant to answer. Answers that are not there.
Answers that are not meant to be known. Answers that were not.
 Answers that are not. Answers that shall not.

Don't look for answers! Let it chase you!
Do ask questions. Prepare to be chased.
Questions, questions, questions.
Want to exercise your answering ability?
See my upcoming entries.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

SUMMER 2011 ~ I'mma lovin it in every bit!

" This Summer, I'm a NO-BUMMER! I shall refuel my Passion, relive my Dreams, refresh my Goals. I shall do what I want, what I love and what it ought to be (as long as I'm Happy). I shall run the sweat, rush the blood and roll my ass out! Summer 2011 is the new Heaven! I'mma lovin' it in every bit! "
-My 2011 Summer Pledge

I came up with my 2011 Summer Must-Do's last April 7. Since it's innate to me to plan the day, the week, the month, the year... my life.

  • =) first-ever* SUMMER 2011 MUST DO'S!!! =D
Journal Update!!!
Reconnect with old friends =)
Learn new things!? =P
Explore new places!!!
Think... ACT on investment!!! =P =D
Join for a cause!

I know planning for whatever you shall do makes you a step ahead of the game. In fact I once read that a high percentage of your goal is bound to get fulfilled the moment you put it on a paper or just simply list it on something. That's because having it on-list gives you a chance of focusing on them more and with that focus you have a clear vision of what you really aspire for and thus your actions shall be based on those aspirations of yours.

Yeah yeah.. I know I'm sounding Idealist in there.
Having been planning for some time or I'll be honest... from the beginning of time, I know it concocted with my blood and now runs through my veins. That's how planning and I shared the times together.

One night, I just got so tired or sick or whatever that term is, of planning my life out.
I just never plan for my next days and let things went their own way.

I just live by the moment. I never think of what shall happen, what would I like to happen and what should I react to what might happen.

It gave me the serendipity. I experiencerd things I never thought would have happened. I discovered new feelings. I found new happiness. =)

But I know, leaving my innate planning instincts is impossible. And I never really hoped for that or planned for that. =) Since as some wise man have said, Failure to Plan, is Planning to Fail.

I just now learned to plan, and plan not to plan my life.

Sometimes it's better to just let things happen in your life. Without you planning for it.
Someone out there has absolutely planned life for you.
And I bet you, His plans are way better than yours.

*first-ever since my past 2 years in college I had summer class so I had limited summer vacation time =P

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A never failing music for a failing me.

I love The Killers. But I am not a fan.
I love their Mr. Brightside. And that's the only song of theirs that I like and probably knew. (Along with Are we human?)
I like Brandon Flowers. But I don't love him as I do feel for Ely, Chito, and Rico and Gerard AND Liam...

I love Mr. Brightside. I am a fan.
I love Mr. Brightside. And I surely do know (every syllable of the word) and I like that song.
I like Mr. Brightside. I love him as I do and even do more...

I love having adventure. I love the landscape from a top of a building.
I love amazing pictures. But I am not amazing.
I am undefined. I will define. I shall define.
If I'm not the one, others would be the ones.
I might be more than amazing someday...

I love Mr.Brightside. I loved it more when I sung it on the 30th floor.
I love Mr. Brightside. But It does not love me.
It is undefined. But It will define. It shall define.
If It's not the one, others would be the ones.
It might be more than amazing someday.
It is more than amazing for me...

The point: There is no point in here! No point can "end" these sentence constructions for Mr.Brightside.
The point: Mr. Brightside has no point in here. No point can justify the end.

I never.
I'm coming out of my cage
Cause I'm Mr. Brightside
I just can't look
Open up my eager eyes.

Monday, March 14, 2011


March 14, 2011. Changes have been made. I don't know what drives me to go back to blogging. When in the first place, I never took it seriously. Yes I posted blahs, thoughts, rants, absurdities and randomness on this blog. Still I myself, didn't like it that much.

Firstly, it's a cumbersome thing to do for a lazybone like me.
Then, I am deprived of the connection from the world wide web.
And lastly, I just don't feel like the pressure of posting something here just for the sake of a "post".

But what the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

Well who cares?
This is MY blog.
I can do whatever I want as long as I'm in here.
I can ditch it like that and just be back whenever I want.


Sun will be here any minute/hours from now?!
So I better have my eyes shut for tomorrow's adventure!!!

You'll be seeing more of me.
So you better LOVE ME NOW


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Past Post, Posted!

DEC. 21, 2009 – Monday
6:47 PM-7:31 PM
Well,  it’s been more than a week since the last time I’ve invaded the blogosphere. Haha!! Ang landi!! Well, ano ba ang topic natin ngayon? Actually, ang dami kong gustong ilagay pero baka mauwi na naman tayo sa randomness everloo!!  Eh gusto ko sana magkaroon ng peace? and order  ang mga entries ko dito.. kaya as much as possible bihira na lang ako mag-rrandom. Haha!! Di ko naman sinabing never kaya, kapag na-aning lang ako at trip ko ilagay ang kung ano-ano lang, dun na ko mag-rrandom.
So, ngayon ang entry ko na lang siguro ay tungkol sa…

JAN. 4, 2009 – Monday

8:14 PM-9: 55 PM

Haha! Sensya na ah! Di ko na naman natuloy yung entry ko ng DEC. 21, 2009. Parang wala pa kong maisip na “specific” topic eh. Oh baka naman kinulang lang ako sa time? para mag-type. You know naman…  busy!? ang sched ko. Haha!!

So, let’s start na!

Bale ang kwento ko na lang ngayon ay tungkol sa isang entry ko sa journal/diary/kaek-ekan na notebook ko na specially made for music-related matters.

A little background lang naman: kasi ako, I’ve been writing sa aking “mga” journal since when I’m in Junior High. Ayun, bale nung third year high school ako, medyo matino pa yung pagsulat ko sa journal ko. Regular talaga yun! Everyday! Nagsusulat ako! Walang mintis!? Haha! Basta kung magmintis man ako, mga ilang araw lang talaga or kung may emergency lang or in short, pag inatake ako ng “katams”. Ayun.. hanggang sa napuno ko na yung isang buong notebook ko. At sakto, start naman yun ng Senior year ko in high school. So, I’ve decided na ipagpatuloy na siya. Ang ginawa ko, every start na ng school year, new journal naman ako. At dahil nasa Sophomore na ko ngayon in college, kung bibilangin mo, apat na lahat ng journals ko. Pero, honestly speaking, sabog sabog na mga entries ko sa journals ko starting from my Senior high hanggang sa ngayon, Sophomore year. Hahaha!! Talagang busy? lang talaga ko! Haha!! Pero, kahit papano naman, na-uupdate ko naman yung mga journals kong yun. Haha! Nasusulatan ko naman siya tungkol sa’king buhay-buhay.

Haaaay.. so, going back to my topic na, “tungkol sa isang entry ko sa journal/diary/kaek-ekan na notebook ko na specially made for music-related matters.”

Ayun, aside from sa apat kong journals, meron akong isang notebook na parang journal din pero, more on music-related matters naman yun. 

At bakit naman ako nag-papakahirap mag-sulat doon!? Bakit pa ko gumawa nun!?

To simplify my answer in just three words:

Haha! Parang vitamins lang yan ah!?
My admiration and gratitude for the existence of Music here in our world is ineffable (cannot be expressed in words). My life is a Music. Music is my life.
Music shatters the boundaries and connects the extremities.

Oh basta, eto na yung sinulat ko sa music journal ko:

OCT. 14, 2009
4:18PM - 9:30 PM

Waaah!!! Sinasabi ko na nga ba eh!! After LIGHTYEARS  =P away pa bgo kita masusulatan  ulit eh!! =D hahaha!!

So,panu bay an!? Di ko 2loy alam kung saan ako magsisimula!!! =D almost 2 months din kc kitang hindi nasulatan eh!... dib a? =p …

Kwento q na lng cguro muna ung update 2ngkol sa guitar lessons? ko!! Haha!! At sa song? writing saga ko!! =D

Aun nga… bale compared before, mas natututukan ko or mas nagiging FOCUS ako at “mjo” mas nabibigyan ko na din ng time ang guitar lessons? ko at ang songwriting SAGA ko!! Haha!!..., bale sa guitar lessons? ko…. Nung summer pa ko mjo nag-tutok… nag-sself study lng ako… tiyagaan lng talaga at PASENSIYAAA!!! as in!! kc noh!! Andame-dameng chords ang nandiyan!! Talagang hassle kpag minemorize mo xa one-by-one!! Pero kpag “you know it by heart”…, SWABE!!! =D haha!! Pro ako, di ko pa “knew by heart” ang lahat ng CHORDS… mjo onti plang… tapos ung mjo tinutukan ko ng practice sa guitar na kanta, eh ung…. …

“WITH A SMILE” by my beloved-est band of all time…. The Eraserheads!!! =p …. Kc aside from the fact na kinanta xa/kanta xa ng pinakamamahal kong banda, eh… maganda talaga ung meaning nung song… at ung chords niya… (G-Am-Bm-Am--- Dsus) –verse chords, (Bb-Eb-Bb-Eb-Bb-Eb-Bb-D) – refrain chords….
Eh “mjo” mdali lng tugtugin at tandaan kc paulit-ulit lng dn nman xa, tska ung strumming, mjo gets ko na din!! Haha!!! =D

Pero, mjo mbagal pa din ako sa transition among the chords.., ung kapag lilipat na ko kunyare from G to Am … prang ganyan…. =p … kc ung ibang npapanood kong marunong na mag-gitara, khit di na nila tignan kung pang-ilang string or kung saang fret ang tutugtugin nila, eh kaya nila.., nang swabe… eh ako.., from G to Am.., titignan ko pa qng saang string at fret dpat nkapwesto ang aking mga daliri!! Haha!! =D kaya mejo mbagal pa 2loy ang pag-tugtog ko… putol-putol ba… haha!! =p

Pero ok lang yan!!! I trust myself!! =D lahat  naman ng magagaling na guitarista ngayon eh, dumaan din sa pinagdadaanan ko!!! “Rome is not built in just one night!” haha!! “Success never comes easy” =D , “no pain, no gain!! Kung walang tiyaga, walang nilaga!! Haha!!... bsta ang BOTTOMLINE eh, kailangan ko lang mag-tiyaga at mag-praktis para maging magaling na akong Guitarist!!! Woooh!! =D …

At hindi lang yan ang pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin!! Haha!!... kc kung mapapansin mo…. (kung papansinin mo lang naman… =p) eh may nkasulat na mga ka-chernessan sa likod mo!...ac2ally… I’ve been writing songs? This past few months… =D haha!!... ang first-ever? song? nga na nasulat ko eh ginawa ko nung MAY 10, 2009… starting from 11:58 a.m. till 2:58 p.m. mga 3 hrs din yan… =p …

Ac2ally, di ko nga alam kung SONG ban a mtatawag yung mga ginawa ko… kc a definition of a SONG that I’ve learned from my literature class is; “a poem set to music”. Ayun!!.... eh mga “poems” pa lng yng nagagawa ko…, in short, LYRICS pa lng… at wala pang MUSIC!..., kc nman noh!!, I have a little? or nothing pa nga eh when it comes to musical arrangements!! (echos!) haha!! Wala pa nman tlaga kc akong alam at experience sa paglalagay ng MUSIC sa mga LYRICS… Siguro eventually, mapapag-eksperimentuhan? ko din yan!! =p
(Sana nga…)

Basta aun…, nag-susulat sulat na din ako ng mga “LYRICS”? =p… depende un sa kung ano man ang ma-feel kong isulat… anything under the sun!!... basta kung ano ung dominant na thought at emotion ko, tungkol doon ung LYRICS na nagagawa ko… tska as of today, I’ve already written, 8 LYRICS!! =p… meron pang 1 na nakatengga… di pa kctapos… di ko pa feel tapusin eh… some other time na lng… haha!!... at alam mo bang saw along nasulat ko na un…, isa lang doon ang pure ENGLISH song!! ung the rest… tagalong na… o kaya taglish or enggalog!! (whatever!) haha!!... hindi ko naman gustong palabasin na bobita ako sa English!! =p… hahaha!!! =D ang gusto ko kc eh.., tagalong or taglish ang mga kanta ko… (taglish, kc ang hirap din naman ng super duper deep & pure tagalong…) kse Pilipino ako… at (eto na nman! Magdadrama na nman ako!) siyempre Pilipino din ang dapat na gawa ko… tsaka ang rason ko naman kaya nagsusulat ako ng mga  kanta or “LYRICS” ng kanta eh:

-para ma-express ko ang feelings ko…
-para makapang-inspire!!/mag-bigay aral!!? =p
-para ma-praktis ko ang song writing skills ko?! (kung meron man) =p
-para sumikat ako!!? Hahahaha!!!....

Haha!! Para kong tanga!!..., pero honestly speaking, gusto ko talaga sumikat baling araw…, xmpre pag sikat ka, makakapang-impluwensya ka ng iba, may kakayahan kang baguhin ang buhay nila. Kaya gamitin mo ito sa TAMA!!!..., yan ang dahilan kung bakit ko gusto maging sikat/successful baling araw… para makatulong.

At siyempre, sino pa ba ang uunahin kong tulungan, kundi ang kapwa ko Pilipino… Gusto ko, mabasa/marinig nila ang mga naisulat ko at maintindihan nila ito ng buong puso, dahil mismong wika natin ang ginamit ko… kapag sumikat na ko, tska na lng ako gagawa ng translated version ng mga nasulat ko.., para maintindihan din ito ng ibang tao…. Haha…!! =p … Pero kahit di pa ko sikat.., pero kelangan talaga ng sitwasyon ng translated version ng gawa ko eh, di ako magdadalawang isip na gumawa nito… =p ….

Basta.., ang bottom line eh, mahal ko ang kapwa ko Pilipino at ang ibang tao., lahat na ng tao…. =p …
Gusto ko rin na mahalin ng mga kabataan ang sarili nating wika at bansa. Kaya gusto ko sanang gamitin nila at ipagmalaki ang sariling atin… Hindi lamang ang kabataan.., kundi pati na rin ang katandaan!!!? =p haha!!... hindi pa naman huli ang lahat para magsimula kayong mahalin ang kapwa niyo, ang bayan niyo… (haha!! DRAMA QUEEN ever!! =p)

Oh bsta.., update nlang ult kta kapag…. Sikat? Na ko!? Haha!!... bsta continue q na lng pagsulat sayo…. SOON!!!? =p….


Sunday, December 13, 2009

~ I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.
-Leo Rosten

So, ang blog entry ko ngayon ay tungkol sa...
"LIFE" o "BUHAY". =))

Minsan ba eh natanong mo na ang sarili mo, kung bakit ka nandirito?, ang magulang mo, kung bakit ka nila binuo?, ang mga kaibigan mo, kapitbahay mo, kamag-anak mo, crush mo =), kung bakit kayo nasa mundong ito?

Bakit nga ba?...

Ako kasi, natanong, tinatanong at tatanungin ko pa rin ang sarili ko tungkol sa bagay na yan.
Dahil hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong malinaw na kasagutan sa tanong na iyan.

Kasi naman noh... kung iisipin mo, di lang milyon kundi BILYON na ang tao sa mundo! at kung sasabihin ko sa sarili ko na, "nandito ka para maging isang sikat na magandang artista!" =)) , eh sa bilyong-bilyong taong pakalat-kalat diyan eh, napaka-IMPOSIBLE naman kung kahit isa man lang sa mga iyon eh walang qualified! =))) (super ganda everness ko na talaga at wala ni isa man lang ang pumasa sa standards ko! =p)

So, ano ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit tayo nandito ngayon? crowded ever na nga ang earth, dumagdag pa tayo? (ako lang pala! =p) sa pagiging over-populated nito.

Di naman siguro lasing si God para ilagay tayo sa mundong ito ng WALANG DAHILAN..
na para pang-over populated lang, na pang-trip trip lang, na pang-decoration lang, na pang-palamuti lamang...

** teka lang ah, nakalimutan ko mggreenhills pa ko ngayon with Demdem (one of my bestest friends in elem. =p) at nkaka 5 hours!!!? na ko dito sa netshop!! so continue ko na lang to ASAP!!!? =)))...

see you soon!! =))